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Would you happen to have anything slightly less fruited? I’m sorry, sir, but this cake is far too fruited for me. The One With the Suggestively Named Product Omg abac ahahah im always assigned top tho idk i think i just look top? Who knows im actually much more bottom than i seem tbh… from r/bisexual Waitress, I’d like to order a side of… feeling very attacked! I came out of my friend’s bathroom after reading the label and was like, “Will this really help me calm down?” Now I put it in my bubble baths at the end of a really stressful day.“Tale as old as time, true as it can be…” This can lead us down an Aveda-themed rabbit hole where we’re, like, rubbing Nair on a tiny part of our chests to see if it really works.while we’re also applying lip liner and blowing kisses at the mirror while saying things like, “Would you fuck me? I’d fuck me.” This sense of curiosity is also how I discovered the magic of lavender essential oils. Since so many of us wonder why you take so long in the bathroom, we get curious and will one day check out, say, one of your fancy lotions or whatever. (I’ve also heard of people having heart attacks and dying in the moments after passing a turd, so if you think he’s been in there too long, I wouldn’t hesitate to check on him.) I’ve also heard of dudes having become so relaxed after a dump that they just pass out for a few minutes. I don’t do this because I don’t shit where I sleep or sleep where I shit, but I have plenty of friends who say they’ll occasionally take a short snooze in the bathroom during the workday. Otherwise, he wouldn’t feel a need to proactively make an excuse for why he was in there so long. If a guy ever comes out of the bathroom after a long time and makes it a point to bring up that he was struggling with “a real bear of a sh*t in there” or something similar, it’s because he was fighting the purple helmet warrior and doesn’t want to cop to it. Nothing works up your appetite like a beat sesh! Anyway…) But if you live with a guy and share a bedroom, the bathroom is the only place he can go if he wants to pound one down, unless you’re not home. (Earlier today I got some Chinese food delivered and wasn’t that hungry yet, so I rubbed one out before I got to my beef and broccoli. This is not one of those times.īecause I live alone and can whack off anywhere I want to in my apartment (and at any time of day), I never service myself in the restroom unless I’m home visiting my parents. Every man who’s not rocking pubic hair styled after Bob Ross’s fro has-while delicately navigating his penis and balls-had a vision where the shaving device slices his scrotum open. Whether you’re using an electric device or a regular razor, you’ve got to tread lightly. It takes even more time to shave your pubes. It takes time to trim your beard, pluck your eyebrows, and trim your chest hair. So what are we up to? Here are seven time-consuming things some guys might be doing in the bathroom that go beyond your basic peeing and pooping scenarios. It’s like another dimension or something. I’ll go in to pinch a loaf then come wandering out 30 minutes later not even knowing what in the hell I was doing in there all that time. (It’s okay if you’re impressed/a little turned on right now.)īut like many dudes, when left with some leisure time, I’ll spend a hefty amount of it in the commode without even realizing it. I can roll out of my bed, shower, brush my teeth, clothe myself, and be out the door to work within 20 minutes. I pride myself on spending a minimal amount of time in my bathroom on weekday mornings. Women aren’t the only ones who take forever in the restroom.